If President Trump wrote his memoir today…

DONALD

You Can’t Spell America Without Me: The Really Tremendous Inside Story of My Fantastic First Year as President Donald J. Trump (A So-Called Parody) by Alec Baldwin and Kurt Andersen, Penguin Press, US $29.00, Pp, November 2017, ISBN 978-0525521990

Most presidents write their memoirs a few years into retirement. The presidential memoirs bring huge sums of money to their writers. President George W. Bush received $7 million for Decision Points and broke the records set by President Clinton. The Obamas have signed a deal which will reportedly bring them $60 million. President Trump will likely break this record because of the controversies surrounding him. But, before we read President Trump’s memoirs, we have something that comes close to what we want to read. Alec Baldwin and Kurt Andersen’s You Can’t Spell America Without Me is a brilliantly written parody all of us will enjoy. President Trump has inspired more parodies than all past presidents combined. You Can’t Spell America Without Me is probably the only parody in the form of a book. We are reproducing some of the paragraphs below so that the reader can have a sense of what it offers.

President Trump recalls how his journey to the White House started, “I remember the day this all began, the ‘journey to the presidency,’ as my daughter Ivanka calls it. It was really, really fantastic day, one of the best days of my entire life. I’ve had so many great days — the day my mom finally made my father stop calling me ‘the Grouchy Little Homo,’ the day my net worth got bigger than his, the day of my first 60 Minutes appearance (before CBS News was fake news), the day The Apprentice got 28.1 million viewers, the days each of my five children were born, including Tiffany. So many phenomenal, incredible days.”

President Trump tells who the readers who wrote his memoirs, “The chapter you just read was written personally by me, Donald Trump. I swear it, on the life of my youngest daughter. What you’re reading now, I am also personally writing. This entire book: me, all the words and sentences and larger sections, the paragraphs, the chapters, all mine, not ‘as told to’ or ‘with’ some pathetic low-life parasite ghostwriters.”

President Trump gives reasons why he wrote this memoir, “There are many reasons I’m writing it myself. But the basic problem is trust. Who can we totally trust? … I trust the third-rate clown who ‘wrote’ my phenomenally best—selling first autobiography, The Art of the Deal, and gave him many millions of dollars – but then thirty years later, because nobody had ever heard of him since, as soon as I ran for president he betrayed me. ‘He’s a Judas,’ a lot of my Christian supporters say a lot about the people like John McCain, who is a Protestant, and Paul Ryan, who’s a Catholic – and I always wonder if that makes my son-in-law Jared Kushner feel bad, or even Ivanka, who’s now  technically one also. I’d asked Steve Bannon, my campaign CEO, and first White House chief strategist if he would arrange to have them turn down the ‘Judas’ stuff a little. Not good.”

President is hope of receiving a Nobel Prize, “I got a call from someone in Sweden who spoke English with a Swedish accent. She said I shouldn’t be disappointed on Monday when the Nobel Peace Prize is announced. I don’t get it, because they’ve already decided to give me my Nobel Prize next October, in 2018, unless I start a really big war between now and then ha ha ha. ‘Done,’ I said. Nice. Also, it’ll be just before the midterm elections. Fantastic.”

President Trump is a most controversial president of the United States. His controversial personality, politics, and way of doing things have become a big source of jokes, and parodies in different forms. You Can’t Spell America Without Me is the most entertaining and funniest political parody in recent years. It is written so brilliantly that unless you know the real authors, you may mistake it as a real memoir of President Trump. It will make you laugh even if you never laughed in your life. Whether you politically support or oppose President Trump, you will hugely enjoy it.